the world's been a spinning madness for the past week or so. and when the time finally comes for things to take a breather, there seems to be nothing to do. the 'now what?' feeling is strange; part of you have been anticipating this feeling of not having to rush for proposals/tests/presentations, yet when the time comes there's a feeling of directionlessness. if there's such a word.

am happier now cos tutor has replied that all's okay, and there wasn't going to be penalty (he didn't say) for the late submission. but i had to be early for my lessons for the rest of my semester, as promised. wish me luck.

i'm trying to summon enough courage to start writing the letter i was supposed to, for my mum, so that we could start talking to each other again. i know i can rationalise by saying that there was just too many things to do to begin putting words to paper. but i'm just procrastinating. it's a very bad habit i know. i guess i'm back to being the escapist me who tries not to face things if i can help it. like starring all my emails in gmail for "next time" to reply. as if "next time" was my secretary.

wish things weren't so difficult.

my friends always say, 'ros, your life is so exciting'. not the clubbing, go mad, get drunk, drive and get knocked down kind of exciting, but the cinderella breaking the rules stealing pumpkins exploiting mice kind of exciting. alright, cinderella is more dainty. but you know what i mean.

anyway, i wonder if i'd trade my life for something more smooth-sailing, the ordinary kind of life where most times things go your way and you are more or less in control. what do i mean. i mean going out without people asking you why with who to where how what time will you be back you better be back by 6. i mean not having to leave gatherings, meetings early because that's the way it should be. i mean not having to fib when i go out with people of the opposite gender even though we're just friends and it's just a casual, normal outing. etc etc. and i mean not having to explain myself whenever i go somewhere/do something.

oh well.

life goes on, baby.

and i promise not to mope anymore.
i try, la.
i'll get down to writing that letter...soon. tonight maybe.

meanwhile my confused heart will contine getting more confused, about a certain matter that shall not be named.

things will get better!!!

part of a conversation with DRB:
me: you're terrible! you bring out the worse in me.
him: i make you spread your wings and slap all the birds around you.

hilarious.